So I can't seem to go to sleep.
I have a lot of cherished memories from my childhood. it was absolutely perfect, just like in the movies. my childhood was ideal. there were ups and just enough downs to remind me that I still needed that God that Brother Owen preached about every Sunday. I remember some falls. falls from the tree outside the Poje's yard. when I fell off my bike and had to walk home by myself because no one saw me. the awful fall from the fire hydrant that I still have a scar from because one of my neighbors dared me to climb it while water was blurting out of it.
I remember playing freeze tag, barbies, and jumping on the trampoline for an endless amount of hours with neighborhood friends. I remember playing hair studio with Mandy and nail salon with Courtney. I remember Tina, our babysitter. I remember that I loved the taste of Dimetapp, but hated the orange Flintstone vitamins. I remember thinking I was in love with every cute boy who looked my way, even with those who didn't... oh, I was so boy crazy. I remember my mommy rocking me to sleep in our "chippy chewed chair" and I remember my daddy singing me and Mandy to sleep after he tucked us into our bunk beds.
I remember screaming loudly, "mommy!! mommy!!! gula gula island is on!" every time it came on. I remember rolling down the, what I thought to be, huge hill in our back yard. I remember when my sisters told me that Santa wasn't real, along with the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny. I remember reading "Twas The Night Before Christmas" on Christmas Eve and Luke 2 every Christmas morning. I remember crying loudly every time my parents tried to make me eat anything green and begging for milk almost all the time.
Lately though, I find that other memories keep flooding my mind more often than others.
I remember my Gran walking with me to the park near his house. one time we went, he took my picture on all of my favorite things to play on in the playground there so that I could show my mommy later. I remember screaming about a cockroach being in the guestroom in their house so that I could sleep in between my Grandmommy and Gran at night. I remember watching my Gran sit at his desk and talk to people that attended his church. I remember hiding in the hall closest from him and him busting in screaming "boo!" as loud as could, then laughing afterwards.
I remember watching him shave. I remember dressing in his shirts and ties and doing fashion shows by the TV. I remember playing Chinese checkers and any other board game we could get our hands on in their house. I remember watching him kiss my Grandmommy in the kitchen one morning after breakfast. I remember his laugh and the way it filled a room every Christmas and Thanksgiving dinner. I remember watching him preach as I laid on my Grandmommy's lap, laughing at his many jokes.
as I remember those things, I also remember when he found out that his only son had died. I was there when he took the call. I remember that he cried in every prayer after my uncle's death. I remember when he couldn't walk on his own. I remember the tears in his eyes when he said to me, "I’m so sorry. I bet you never thought you'd see me like this." I remember him wanting to be that grandpa again that took me to the park. I remember when we would go for visits and he was so weak, he could barely smile.
I remember when we moved him closer and the helplessness in his eyes because he wanted to be strong again. I remember going to sonny's with him. I remember learning for the first time that my Gran wasn't perfect, he was human. I remember him becoming bitter. I remember him calling me fat. I remember watching the man I looked up to for so many years become this old man who had given up. I remember ignoring him, making fun of him behind his back, refusing to go see him in his last years. I remember him going in and out of the hospital and I remember the last time he went in.
I remember visiting him after dialysis when he couldn't even talk. I remember holding his hand and telling him how sorry I was for not coming sooner. I remember the second time I went to see him in the hospital and he could talk again. I told him about VBS and how good it was going and he smiled. I remember the third and last time I saw him in the hospital. he was the Gran that had taken me to the park again. I remember seeing happiness shine in his eyes again. he told me he loved me and how proud he was of me. I remember thinking of all the years I had wasted with him, all because he was a little bitter of growing old. all because he had made a mistake. all because he was human.
I remember thinking that we had more time. I remember making promises to going back to see him, but I never had enough time. I remember getting the call late Tuesday morning, July 6. I remember the tears, the pain, the guilt. I remember how his body didn't look anything like the man that took me the park... but even though that's the last time I saw his body, when I think of him the first thing that I remember is and will always be the park.
David Pierce Wilcox was an amazing man. His legacy will live on forever in the hearts of all those who met him. His love for Jesus was evident to anyone he spoke to and it gave him 88 years with us. Even though I regret wasting three years being upset with him for a mistake, I loved him so very much and the pain of this loss is why I'm up right now.
Gran,
I'm so sorry for the way I acted the last three years of your life. I want you to know that I always loved you and you were one of my heroes. Words can't even begin to express how thankful I am for you. I wish we had been given more time but I am so happy for you. You can walk again and now you're dancing with the angels... I love you forever. Thank you for taking me to the park.
Your granddaughter, Kimmy
