i love babysitting.
i know that most people would run away from such a job, but i embrace it. i rarely ever turn people down when they ask me. for awhile i thought it was for the money, but i have turned down many jobs even if the money was good because it simply made me miserable or i was bored of it. but babysitting is a totally different story.
there are many reasons i love babysitting as my job for the time being. i love that the kids don't care about my physical appearance. they don't care if i'm not a size two. they don't care if i straightened my hair that morning, or if i washed it for that matter. they don't care if i'm wearing my pajama's or a prom dress. they just want to know if i'll play a game with them and if they can go first or not. so simple.
kids listen to me. they do what i say. i know that i'm possibly just blessed to have kids that are either just incredibly respectful or completely fearful of the time out i'd have waiting for them the second time they don't do what i ask, but i barely have to repeat myself when i give direction. i ask them to do something and they say yes ma'am. or they go to their room for a reasonable amount of time. i feel smart. i feel like i'm respected. i feel in control.
i was talking to my mom tonight about how i'm growing up. i'm turning twenty in february and i'm freaking about it. i always tend to freak out before i turn another year older. i mean, am i really that scared of growing up? sometimes i'm okay with moving on and growing up.. and when i say sometimes, i mean on rare occasions. most of the time though, i'm scared to death. most of the time all i can think about is being five again and pressing the pause button. or being in my senior year of high school.. any year when things seemed more simple. less complex. less out of my control.
i need to trust God with my future. i need to because it is rapidly approaching and for the life of my i cannot stop it from coming. i just don't know how to get rid of the fear.
needless to say, my most favorite part about babysitting is that i get to pretend like i'm 5 again. even if it's only for a few hours, that time is golden to me.
