i love babysitting.
i know that most people would run away from such a job, but i embrace it. i rarely ever turn people down when they ask me. for awhile i thought it was for the money, but i have turned down many jobs even if the money was good because it simply made me miserable or i was bored of it. but babysitting is a totally different story.
there are many reasons i love babysitting as my job for the time being. i love that the kids don't care about my physical appearance. they don't care if i'm not a size two. they don't care if i straightened my hair that morning, or if i washed it for that matter. they don't care if i'm wearing my pajama's or a prom dress. they just want to know if i'll play a game with them and if they can go first or not. so simple.
kids listen to me. they do what i say. i know that i'm possibly just blessed to have kids that are either just incredibly respectful or completely fearful of the time out i'd have waiting for them the second time they don't do what i ask, but i barely have to repeat myself when i give direction. i ask them to do something and they say yes ma'am. or they go to their room for a reasonable amount of time. i feel smart. i feel like i'm respected. i feel in control.
i was talking to my mom tonight about how i'm growing up. i'm turning twenty in february and i'm freaking about it. i always tend to freak out before i turn another year older. i mean, am i really that scared of growing up? sometimes i'm okay with moving on and growing up.. and when i say sometimes, i mean on rare occasions. most of the time though, i'm scared to death. most of the time all i can think about is being five again and pressing the pause button. or being in my senior year of high school.. any year when things seemed more simple. less complex. less out of my control.
i need to trust God with my future. i need to because it is rapidly approaching and for the life of my i cannot stop it from coming. i just don't know how to get rid of the fear.
needless to say, my most favorite part about babysitting is that i get to pretend like i'm 5 again. even if it's only for a few hours, that time is golden to me.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Saturday, October 9, 2010
My Grandpa (Gran)
So I can't seem to go to sleep.
I have a lot of cherished memories from my childhood. it was absolutely perfect, just like in the movies. my childhood was ideal. there were ups and just enough downs to remind me that I still needed that God that Brother Owen preached about every Sunday. I remember some falls. falls from the tree outside the Poje's yard. when I fell off my bike and had to walk home by myself because no one saw me. the awful fall from the fire hydrant that I still have a scar from because one of my neighbors dared me to climb it while water was blurting out of it.
I remember playing freeze tag, barbies, and jumping on the trampoline for an endless amount of hours with neighborhood friends. I remember playing hair studio with Mandy and nail salon with Courtney. I remember Tina, our babysitter. I remember that I loved the taste of Dimetapp, but hated the orange Flintstone vitamins. I remember thinking I was in love with every cute boy who looked my way, even with those who didn't... oh, I was so boy crazy. I remember my mommy rocking me to sleep in our "chippy chewed chair" and I remember my daddy singing me and Mandy to sleep after he tucked us into our bunk beds.
I remember screaming loudly, "mommy!! mommy!!! gula gula island is on!" every time it came on. I remember rolling down the, what I thought to be, huge hill in our back yard. I remember when my sisters told me that Santa wasn't real, along with the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny. I remember reading "Twas The Night Before Christmas" on Christmas Eve and Luke 2 every Christmas morning. I remember crying loudly every time my parents tried to make me eat anything green and begging for milk almost all the time.
Lately though, I find that other memories keep flooding my mind more often than others.
I remember my Gran walking with me to the park near his house. one time we went, he took my picture on all of my favorite things to play on in the playground there so that I could show my mommy later. I remember screaming about a cockroach being in the guestroom in their house so that I could sleep in between my Grandmommy and Gran at night. I remember watching my Gran sit at his desk and talk to people that attended his church. I remember hiding in the hall closest from him and him busting in screaming "boo!" as loud as could, then laughing afterwards.
I remember watching him shave. I remember dressing in his shirts and ties and doing fashion shows by the TV. I remember playing Chinese checkers and any other board game we could get our hands on in their house. I remember watching him kiss my Grandmommy in the kitchen one morning after breakfast. I remember his laugh and the way it filled a room every Christmas and Thanksgiving dinner. I remember watching him preach as I laid on my Grandmommy's lap, laughing at his many jokes.
as I remember those things, I also remember when he found out that his only son had died. I was there when he took the call. I remember that he cried in every prayer after my uncle's death. I remember when he couldn't walk on his own. I remember the tears in his eyes when he said to me, "I’m so sorry. I bet you never thought you'd see me like this." I remember him wanting to be that grandpa again that took me to the park. I remember when we would go for visits and he was so weak, he could barely smile.
I remember when we moved him closer and the helplessness in his eyes because he wanted to be strong again. I remember going to sonny's with him. I remember learning for the first time that my Gran wasn't perfect, he was human. I remember him becoming bitter. I remember him calling me fat. I remember watching the man I looked up to for so many years become this old man who had given up. I remember ignoring him, making fun of him behind his back, refusing to go see him in his last years. I remember him going in and out of the hospital and I remember the last time he went in.
I remember visiting him after dialysis when he couldn't even talk. I remember holding his hand and telling him how sorry I was for not coming sooner. I remember the second time I went to see him in the hospital and he could talk again. I told him about VBS and how good it was going and he smiled. I remember the third and last time I saw him in the hospital. he was the Gran that had taken me to the park again. I remember seeing happiness shine in his eyes again. he told me he loved me and how proud he was of me. I remember thinking of all the years I had wasted with him, all because he was a little bitter of growing old. all because he had made a mistake. all because he was human.
I remember thinking that we had more time. I remember making promises to going back to see him, but I never had enough time. I remember getting the call late Tuesday morning, July 6. I remember the tears, the pain, the guilt. I remember how his body didn't look anything like the man that took me the park... but even though that's the last time I saw his body, when I think of him the first thing that I remember is and will always be the park.
David Pierce Wilcox was an amazing man. His legacy will live on forever in the hearts of all those who met him. His love for Jesus was evident to anyone he spoke to and it gave him 88 years with us. Even though I regret wasting three years being upset with him for a mistake, I loved him so very much and the pain of this loss is why I'm up right now.
Gran,
I'm so sorry for the way I acted the last three years of your life. I want you to know that I always loved you and you were one of my heroes. Words can't even begin to express how thankful I am for you. I wish we had been given more time but I am so happy for you. You can walk again and now you're dancing with the angels... I love you forever. Thank you for taking me to the park.
Your granddaughter, Kimmy
I have a lot of cherished memories from my childhood. it was absolutely perfect, just like in the movies. my childhood was ideal. there were ups and just enough downs to remind me that I still needed that God that Brother Owen preached about every Sunday. I remember some falls. falls from the tree outside the Poje's yard. when I fell off my bike and had to walk home by myself because no one saw me. the awful fall from the fire hydrant that I still have a scar from because one of my neighbors dared me to climb it while water was blurting out of it.
I remember playing freeze tag, barbies, and jumping on the trampoline for an endless amount of hours with neighborhood friends. I remember playing hair studio with Mandy and nail salon with Courtney. I remember Tina, our babysitter. I remember that I loved the taste of Dimetapp, but hated the orange Flintstone vitamins. I remember thinking I was in love with every cute boy who looked my way, even with those who didn't... oh, I was so boy crazy. I remember my mommy rocking me to sleep in our "chippy chewed chair" and I remember my daddy singing me and Mandy to sleep after he tucked us into our bunk beds.
I remember screaming loudly, "mommy!! mommy!!! gula gula island is on!" every time it came on. I remember rolling down the, what I thought to be, huge hill in our back yard. I remember when my sisters told me that Santa wasn't real, along with the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny. I remember reading "Twas The Night Before Christmas" on Christmas Eve and Luke 2 every Christmas morning. I remember crying loudly every time my parents tried to make me eat anything green and begging for milk almost all the time.
Lately though, I find that other memories keep flooding my mind more often than others.
I remember my Gran walking with me to the park near his house. one time we went, he took my picture on all of my favorite things to play on in the playground there so that I could show my mommy later. I remember screaming about a cockroach being in the guestroom in their house so that I could sleep in between my Grandmommy and Gran at night. I remember watching my Gran sit at his desk and talk to people that attended his church. I remember hiding in the hall closest from him and him busting in screaming "boo!" as loud as could, then laughing afterwards.
I remember watching him shave. I remember dressing in his shirts and ties and doing fashion shows by the TV. I remember playing Chinese checkers and any other board game we could get our hands on in their house. I remember watching him kiss my Grandmommy in the kitchen one morning after breakfast. I remember his laugh and the way it filled a room every Christmas and Thanksgiving dinner. I remember watching him preach as I laid on my Grandmommy's lap, laughing at his many jokes.
as I remember those things, I also remember when he found out that his only son had died. I was there when he took the call. I remember that he cried in every prayer after my uncle's death. I remember when he couldn't walk on his own. I remember the tears in his eyes when he said to me, "I’m so sorry. I bet you never thought you'd see me like this." I remember him wanting to be that grandpa again that took me to the park. I remember when we would go for visits and he was so weak, he could barely smile.
I remember when we moved him closer and the helplessness in his eyes because he wanted to be strong again. I remember going to sonny's with him. I remember learning for the first time that my Gran wasn't perfect, he was human. I remember him becoming bitter. I remember him calling me fat. I remember watching the man I looked up to for so many years become this old man who had given up. I remember ignoring him, making fun of him behind his back, refusing to go see him in his last years. I remember him going in and out of the hospital and I remember the last time he went in.
I remember visiting him after dialysis when he couldn't even talk. I remember holding his hand and telling him how sorry I was for not coming sooner. I remember the second time I went to see him in the hospital and he could talk again. I told him about VBS and how good it was going and he smiled. I remember the third and last time I saw him in the hospital. he was the Gran that had taken me to the park again. I remember seeing happiness shine in his eyes again. he told me he loved me and how proud he was of me. I remember thinking of all the years I had wasted with him, all because he was a little bitter of growing old. all because he had made a mistake. all because he was human.
I remember thinking that we had more time. I remember making promises to going back to see him, but I never had enough time. I remember getting the call late Tuesday morning, July 6. I remember the tears, the pain, the guilt. I remember how his body didn't look anything like the man that took me the park... but even though that's the last time I saw his body, when I think of him the first thing that I remember is and will always be the park.
David Pierce Wilcox was an amazing man. His legacy will live on forever in the hearts of all those who met him. His love for Jesus was evident to anyone he spoke to and it gave him 88 years with us. Even though I regret wasting three years being upset with him for a mistake, I loved him so very much and the pain of this loss is why I'm up right now.
Gran,
I'm so sorry for the way I acted the last three years of your life. I want you to know that I always loved you and you were one of my heroes. Words can't even begin to express how thankful I am for you. I wish we had been given more time but I am so happy for you. You can walk again and now you're dancing with the angels... I love you forever. Thank you for taking me to the park.
Your granddaughter, Kimmy
Saturday, June 12, 2010
God is great.
hello. hello. hello.
so a lot of things have been happening in my life lately, some good and some not so good. i'll give you the good first :)
ATLANTA FEST!!! ahhhhhh i will be leaving for atlanta fest on tuesday with my boyfriend, his parents, his sister, and three of our friends on tuesday!!! don't know what atl fest is?? let me tell you :) it's a four day concert with sooo many different christian bands that just perform all day long! i'm most excited about brandon heath, superchick, britt nicole, and tenth avenue north! :) here's the site if you wanna check it out -- http://www.atlantafest.com
i've recently connected with my friend that i made on a mission trip about four years ago. her name is katie and she lives in california while i live in georgia. you know those friends that just feel like soul mates? no matter what distance separates you and no matter how much time goes by, that person is always there for you and they just know you? that's katie for me. to my prayer warriers - shout out a prayer to God asking for him to let us somehow see each other! i miss her :/ it would be sooo refreshing to reconnect with her!
on a sad note :/
my grandpa (gran) is in the hospital. he has diabetes and it's taking it's toll on his 88 year old body. his kidney's are failing and he's on dialysis. i went to go visit him today and it was so sad. my gran used to be a very happy, sweet, strong, vibrant southern baptist preacher. it's so hard to see him slowly drift away from us, but i'm so happy that he'll be home with the Lord soon. it's so bittersweet. please pray that God will bring him home peacefully and that God would calm his fears about dieing and leaving my beautiful grandmother here without him.
so that's a quick update. God is great.
so a lot of things have been happening in my life lately, some good and some not so good. i'll give you the good first :)
ATLANTA FEST!!! ahhhhhh i will be leaving for atlanta fest on tuesday with my boyfriend, his parents, his sister, and three of our friends on tuesday!!! don't know what atl fest is?? let me tell you :) it's a four day concert with sooo many different christian bands that just perform all day long! i'm most excited about brandon heath, superchick, britt nicole, and tenth avenue north! :) here's the site if you wanna check it out -- http://www.atlantafest.com
i've recently connected with my friend that i made on a mission trip about four years ago. her name is katie and she lives in california while i live in georgia. you know those friends that just feel like soul mates? no matter what distance separates you and no matter how much time goes by, that person is always there for you and they just know you? that's katie for me. to my prayer warriers - shout out a prayer to God asking for him to let us somehow see each other! i miss her :/ it would be sooo refreshing to reconnect with her!
on a sad note :/
my grandpa (gran) is in the hospital. he has diabetes and it's taking it's toll on his 88 year old body. his kidney's are failing and he's on dialysis. i went to go visit him today and it was so sad. my gran used to be a very happy, sweet, strong, vibrant southern baptist preacher. it's so hard to see him slowly drift away from us, but i'm so happy that he'll be home with the Lord soon. it's so bittersweet. please pray that God will bring him home peacefully and that God would calm his fears about dieing and leaving my beautiful grandmother here without him.
so that's a quick update. God is great.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
to all my prayer warriors...
Well hello again fellow bloggers.. I say that because I can't get over how many people that I don't know read my blogs and literally help me out and pray for me. Seriously you guys, your comments mean the world to me and I don't even know you. I am so astonished at the people that God leads to my blog to type out words of encouragement that will stay with me for a lifetime. It's just another way that God is proving Himself to me to be the faithful provider.
Anyways, back to my life haha.
I was in this devotional book that kept my interest for awhile, but it slowly started to just not be good for me. I stopped doing it altogether when I thankfully remembered some good advice from my Sunday school teacher.
"If you have a quiet time book that you lose interest in, get a new one that will keep your interest. It's okay if you don't finish a book, just KEEP spending time with God."
AWESOME advice, right?
Well it worked, because I got a new devotional book (The Message//Remix Solo) and I highly recommend it if you are in need of a new devo book. It really speaks to me and I can't believe how much closer to God I am already.
I'm really worried about my sister, so to my prayer warriors out there: send out a prayer for my big sister. Her name is Amanda and she's been through a lot of things, rough things and I just really worry about her. Also, pray that I will have the words to say that I won't be judgmental of the things she's doing, but loving. Always loving.
I know that this blog is already becoming extremely long for me, but there are some crazy things in my life that are about to happen. I have a lot of things going on that I thought I would share.
Well first of all, a talent scout is coming to hear me sing. Like a legit talent scout for a Christian recording studio!! He's so legit, he discovered Francessca Battistelli! He grew up at my church and he is friends with my mother and for some reason or another he's coming to hear me and I'm soooo excited! I've been writing some song lyrics for quite some time now and my good friend, Matt Taylor has been helping me put some music to my lyrics. We really only have one song done, but I really love it. I swear, too, that God totally wrote the song. It even spoke to me, so it's so strange because this all seems tangible. Like, it's not just a dream anymore, I might be able to share what God is doing in my life through music.
Thank you for praying. I am so blessed to have you guys come to my blog and pray for me. Keep it up :) I can definitely see that your prayers are being answered!!
OH! and if you have any prayer requests, lay them on me here and i PROMISE to pray for them :)
God Bless :)
Anyways, back to my life haha.
I was in this devotional book that kept my interest for awhile, but it slowly started to just not be good for me. I stopped doing it altogether when I thankfully remembered some good advice from my Sunday school teacher.
"If you have a quiet time book that you lose interest in, get a new one that will keep your interest. It's okay if you don't finish a book, just KEEP spending time with God."
AWESOME advice, right?
Well it worked, because I got a new devotional book (The Message//Remix Solo) and I highly recommend it if you are in need of a new devo book. It really speaks to me and I can't believe how much closer to God I am already.
I'm really worried about my sister, so to my prayer warriors out there: send out a prayer for my big sister. Her name is Amanda and she's been through a lot of things, rough things and I just really worry about her. Also, pray that I will have the words to say that I won't be judgmental of the things she's doing, but loving. Always loving.
I know that this blog is already becoming extremely long for me, but there are some crazy things in my life that are about to happen. I have a lot of things going on that I thought I would share.
Well first of all, a talent scout is coming to hear me sing. Like a legit talent scout for a Christian recording studio!! He's so legit, he discovered Francessca Battistelli! He grew up at my church and he is friends with my mother and for some reason or another he's coming to hear me and I'm soooo excited! I've been writing some song lyrics for quite some time now and my good friend, Matt Taylor has been helping me put some music to my lyrics. We really only have one song done, but I really love it. I swear, too, that God totally wrote the song. It even spoke to me, so it's so strange because this all seems tangible. Like, it's not just a dream anymore, I might be able to share what God is doing in my life through music.
Thank you for praying. I am so blessed to have you guys come to my blog and pray for me. Keep it up :) I can definitely see that your prayers are being answered!!
OH! and if you have any prayer requests, lay them on me here and i PROMISE to pray for them :)
God Bless :)
Saturday, May 8, 2010
the ugly truth (not that R-rated movie)
okay so i've been avoiding my blog and when i do write, it's completely shallow random stuff. like i'm trying to be all cutesy or whatever and gain people's approval. like am i still in highschool or something??
i've been avoiding something, or someONE lately.
none other than the all-powerful, all-loving God.
pretty dumb to avoid Him, isn't it?
yeah, i know.
just sometimes i can't help it.
it's like i'll get really close to God and then all of a sudden without a single warning, my brain and heart go into auto pilot and i don't feel anything anymore. i don't feel the need to spend time with friends, i don't feel the need to be nice to my family, i don't feel the need to be with just my boyfriend when there are other guys out there, and i don't feel the need to spend my life pleasing a God i've never physically seen.
wow. did i just write that?
i'm human, i guess.
i hate auto-pilot.
so if you read this blog, if you love Jesus... can you pray for me? i don't want to be in auto-pilot. i don't want to just go through life without really living it.
there. i was real again.
ugly, but real.
i've been avoiding something, or someONE lately.
none other than the all-powerful, all-loving God.
pretty dumb to avoid Him, isn't it?
yeah, i know.
just sometimes i can't help it.
it's like i'll get really close to God and then all of a sudden without a single warning, my brain and heart go into auto pilot and i don't feel anything anymore. i don't feel the need to spend time with friends, i don't feel the need to be nice to my family, i don't feel the need to be with just my boyfriend when there are other guys out there, and i don't feel the need to spend my life pleasing a God i've never physically seen.
wow. did i just write that?
i'm human, i guess.
i hate auto-pilot.
so if you read this blog, if you love Jesus... can you pray for me? i don't want to be in auto-pilot. i don't want to just go through life without really living it.
there. i was real again.
ugly, but real.
and the randomness continues
OOOh i haven't written on here in foreverr! well, life is moving rapidly past me and i'm trying so hard to catch up. i feel like i'm just kind of sitting back watching everything just happen around me. i can't feel it, can't stop it, can't be a part of it, i just watch it.
i'm a crazy writer. i love to write books and i really would like to finish a book one of these days, but i just can't seem to finish one.
i'm currently working on four books.
scatter brained? i think so!
My poor doggie is in the hospital :( she's sick.
I got my hair cut :) it looks really good; a lot more edgy. i got more/shorter layers and i also got shorter bangs again because i like it better that way. so that's good.
i also just read this verse and fell in love with it. God is so smart. you know, he just brings the right verse to you when you need it...
Ephesians 5:1-2
"Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that."
I know I'm random.. I like being random ;)
Goodnight!
i'm a crazy writer. i love to write books and i really would like to finish a book one of these days, but i just can't seem to finish one.
i'm currently working on four books.
scatter brained? i think so!
My poor doggie is in the hospital :( she's sick.
I got my hair cut :) it looks really good; a lot more edgy. i got more/shorter layers and i also got shorter bangs again because i like it better that way. so that's good.
i also just read this verse and fell in love with it. God is so smart. you know, he just brings the right verse to you when you need it...
Ephesians 5:1-2
"Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that."
I know I'm random.. I like being random ;)
Goodnight!
Friday, March 5, 2010
oh randomness...
So I realized that my blogs have been more on the depressing side lately… and I know that sometimes I’m going to vent on here, but tonight I just wanted to talk about a couple of random and some awesome things happening in my life.
I am now supporting the most adorable baby girl named Yu Bei until she is adopted. I don’t know if anyone reading this is familiar with Holt International, but it is an organization that helps orphans get adopted. They also ask for help to support those children until they find their permanent family. I took one look at Yu Bei and I wish I could be her permanent family. She is so precious; I fell in love with her the moment I saw her face.
I went on a daddy/daughter date tonight with my amazing dad. We ate at the new restaurant on Russell Parkway, Mama Mia’s Pizzeria and Pasta. Amazing food… iffy service. We had really good conversation and I came to admire him more. Then we watched Alice in Wonderland. It was quite possibly the strangest movie I’ve ever seen. Actually, not quite possibly, VERY possibly, but it was actually a very good movie. I really appreciate well made movies, and you could tell this was well made.
I can’t believe how blessed I am. Chris is the most amazing person I’ve ever met. I cannot fathom the fact that he wants to be with me. I can’t begin to understand why he loves me. It’s so odd to me that someone could know so much about me, not be related to me, see me at my worst, and still choose to be with me and actually love me. I’m amazed by it all. He is a gift from God… my special gift and friend.
That about sums up my current thoughts… oh except!!!!! I started writing in one of my old books titled “Drowning Fish”. I hope I keep it up :) And I’m almost done reading “The Atonement Child”… definite must read.
I am now supporting the most adorable baby girl named Yu Bei until she is adopted. I don’t know if anyone reading this is familiar with Holt International, but it is an organization that helps orphans get adopted. They also ask for help to support those children until they find their permanent family. I took one look at Yu Bei and I wish I could be her permanent family. She is so precious; I fell in love with her the moment I saw her face.
I went on a daddy/daughter date tonight with my amazing dad. We ate at the new restaurant on Russell Parkway, Mama Mia’s Pizzeria and Pasta. Amazing food… iffy service. We had really good conversation and I came to admire him more. Then we watched Alice in Wonderland. It was quite possibly the strangest movie I’ve ever seen. Actually, not quite possibly, VERY possibly, but it was actually a very good movie. I really appreciate well made movies, and you could tell this was well made.
I can’t believe how blessed I am. Chris is the most amazing person I’ve ever met. I cannot fathom the fact that he wants to be with me. I can’t begin to understand why he loves me. It’s so odd to me that someone could know so much about me, not be related to me, see me at my worst, and still choose to be with me and actually love me. I’m amazed by it all. He is a gift from God… my special gift and friend.
That about sums up my current thoughts… oh except!!!!! I started writing in one of my old books titled “Drowning Fish”. I hope I keep it up :) And I’m almost done reading “The Atonement Child”… definite must read.
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